At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'
'I never know how much of what I say is true.' Bette Midler
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. Margo Kaufman
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. Alice Thomas Ellis
'It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.' Tallulah Bankhead